Attention lesbian vampires: if you live in Salt Lake City we might have a job opportunity for you. A new Craigslist ad seeking a ‘Vampire needed for immortality’ caught our attention, and we figured on the off-chance there’s an avid Week In Weird-reading creature of the night out there, we’d toss you a bone. And by bone, we mean a 24-year-old woman with a “fantastic body” begging for a bite.
Here’s the full text for readability:
Hi. I am a 24 year old female and I have a fantastic body. I can stay at the weight I’m at no matter what I eat or drink, I don’t get hungover, I’m in shape, and I look great. Only problem is, death is coming for me. I mean, death is coming for us all, but I’m exploring other options. I really like the way my body is right now, so I guess I need to become immortal? If you’re a vampire, I’ll hire you to turn me into a vampire as well.* I don’t care what religion you are, if you’re the murder-me-then-reawaken-me kind that’s fine, if you’re the I-drink-from-your-blood-then-you-drink-from-mine kind that’s fine, and if you’re another kind completely that’s totally cool.** If the portion of my blood that you get to drink in the process of turning me isn’t enough, I’ll pay up to $20. If you want, we could be creature of the night friends after you turn me, or if you’d rather have it be a one night turn kind of thing that’s cool too.*** Side note, a dramatic dark romance between us would be sick, although I’m gay so I’m only looking for women if we’re talking love eternal. If you’re a lesbian vamp hmu
*Not looking for vampires who still age. What the hell is up with that?
**If it requires weird sex stuff, that’s cool, just warn me beforehand so I can shave.
***I promise I won’t be clingy just because you turned me. I get it.
According to the ad, the poster is looking for an SLC local immortal who’s willing to stop the sands of time for both her and her super hot body… and for twenty bucks, no less! So there you have it, vampers, now’s your chance to satisfy your insatiable bloodlust and earn a little cash too!
Any coffin-sleeping, blood-drinkers who feel compelled to leave us a comment below, please feel free. If you’ve had your own experience with a terrifying creature of the night, pop down to the comments section and tell us your story!