Bearded Lady Blamed for Bringing Floods to the Balkans

Earlier this month, what has been called the worst flooding in more than a century struck parts of Serbia, Croatia, and Bosnia. More than 150,000 residents were forced to flee their homes; the death toll is estimated to be at least 50 people. But who’s to blame for so much horror? If you ask the church leaders, it’s none other than this year’s Eurovision winner Conchita Wurst, an Austrian female impersonator.

Nature strikes back against lip-syncing at Topčić Polje in Bosnia.

According to Patriarch Amfilohije, head of the Orthodox Church of Montenegro, “This is not a coincidence, but a warning. God sent the rains as a reminder that people should not join the wild side.” Aside from paraphrasing lyrics from Lou Reed, Amfilohiije and other church leaders view Wurst’s appearance as “Jesus-like… abomination” in an Antichrist sense and her winning Eurovision was a call for “divine punishment”. “God is thus washing Serbia of its sins,” Patriarch Irinej added, presumably for any of its citizens who dared to place a vote for the drag queen.

Born Tom Neuwirth, Conchita gained global attention for her song ‘Rise Like a Phoenix’ which earned her the crown at Eurovision. But not all religious leaders take such a dim view of her. Austria’s Roman Catholic Cardinal Christoph Schönborn recently praised Wurst as part of the “multicolored variety in God’s garden.”

Drag performer Conchita Wurst, destroyer of worlds.

If there’s ever a reason for natural disasters, surely it’s drag queens. All that sass can be very dangerous. For all we know, the biblical flood was caused by one of Noah’s sons’ alter egos: Eva Destruction.

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