Breaking African News! Goblin Sex Is The New Viagra!

Breaking African News! Goblin Sex Is The New Viagra!

VIAGRAFrom obscenely shaped potatoes, to their nuanced coverage of goblin encounters, Bulawayo24 News is our planet’s finest news source.

Leaving home to follow his dreams in South Africa, Mike Ncube found a housesitting job with a difference. The owner said Mike would assume responsibility for the “things” in the house for 3000 Rand / $278 USD / 5859048 Vietnamese Dongs1, in addition to food and clothing.

SWEET.

Upon accepting the gig, his new boss let Mike in on the big secret. He found a weird, short woman sitting on the bed, and it turns out he was obliged to oblige her.

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This was work, Ncube never enjoyed his afternoon encounters despite engaging the goblin for six months. That’s when he developed a serious case of priapism.

I slept with that strange creature for six months and then this other day my organ stayed erect after having sex and on the following day its colour changed to purple.2

Unlike America’s capitalist model, and lack of public healthcare, Mike’s boss gave him money to consult traditional healers to no avail.

Godspeed, Mike. You are doing God’s work. If you’re looking for a similar position, post your resume on our Facebook page, at Twitter, or in the comments below.


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  1. http://www.xe.com/currencyconverter/convert/?Amount=277&From=USD&To=VND 

  2. http://www.bulawayo24.com/index-id-news-sc-local-byo-43960.html 

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