iPhone Apocalypse? [UPDATED]

iPhone Apocalypse? [UPDATED]

siriBack in 2012, Harold Camping exhorted the audience of Family Radio to prepare for the end times. Double whammy, the Mayans had their own apocalypse penciled in for the winter solstice.

2013 was a quiet year, Chelyabinsk was struck by a meteor. Republicans continued their losing game of political brinksmanship. Typhoons slammed the Pacific. Colorado legalised dogs marrying cats.

The new year is shaping up to be hair-raising. First the vikings insist Heimdallr will sound the horn to herald Ragnarok. If that passes, we’re not out of the woods yet. The ubiquitous iPhone and its artificial intelligence Siri declares July 27th, 2014 heralds the opening of the “Gates of Hades”. Still skeptical? The story hit Infowars, America’s most trusted news source!

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Will 300 million iPhone users be envying Steve Jobs in his gentle repose1? Maybe not. Word is the opening of the Gates of Hades references the celebration of Chinese Ghost Month2. An inauspicious time where spirits roam the earth, and mere mortals burn paper cars, hell notes, and other offerings to appease the restless dead. Coinciding with this date is the end of Ramadan3, usually followed by the happy holiday of Eid al-Fitr.

UPDATE!

Cub reporter Hazmat CitizenCrusader over at Facebook mentions, “Ask Siri “what’s September 3rd 2014″ and she responds it’s closing gates of Hades.” First, it has nothing to do with Islam. Ramadan will have ended 38 days ago.  Then we have the Chinese Ghost Month ending on the 24th of August4 leaving a deficit of 6 days.

So… cheeky programmer? Or will our smartphones become self aware, forcing humanity to re-enact Stephen King’s Cell? Ring us up at our Facebook page, Twitter, or (as always) in the comments below!


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  1. http://venturebeat.com/2013/02/06/800-million-android-smartphones-300-million-iphones-in-active-use-by-december-2013-study-says/ 

  2. http://my.72dragon.com/609/chinese-ghost-month-taboo/ 

  3. http://www.when-is.com/ramadan-2014.asp 

  4. http://chinesenewyearday.com/ChineseGhostMonth.htm 

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