June: Month of the Octopocalypse?

June: Month of the Octopocalypse?

Have you ever looked at Calamari or Octopus on a restaurant menu and thought to yourself “Mmmmmm… I can’t wait until you’re inside me?” Well, have you ever considered that your upscale culinary dish might be just as excited, but for more nefarious reasons?

Last month has seen a slew of debauchery from octopi & squid, from Octomom starring in her first porno, a dolphin getting taken advantage of, to a woman’s tongue being inseminated by squid – something very strange is coming to a climax, and unless you’re a fan of Octomom, it isn’t you.

Before we start our journey down the Fortean rabbit-hole, let’s first clear the waters; squid and octopi are not the same animal, however, they both belong to the same sub-class of Cephalopod known as Coleoidea. They are quite different physically and socially, but this month they seem to have a common goal. Lock up your kids and lock up your wives…

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Photo Credit: TMZ

On June 14th, Huffington Post reported that Octomom, who had previously sworn she “would never work in porn”, spilled the beans on a recent porn shoot she did with Wicked Pictures. We’re not sure what’s stranger, that she actually did the shoot, that someone asked her to, or that there’s actually a market for this stuff.

Source: http://goo.gl/uAXs0

 

Photo Credit: Getty Images

On June 16th the Examiner reported that a 63 year old Korean woman who had eaten squid started to feel strange sensation in her mouth. Upon visiting the hospital doctors found that the inside of her mouth had been inseminated. This story doesn’t really need a witty one-liner; they’re all too obvious and hard to swallow.

Source: http://goo.gl/cALJv

 

Photo Credit: Joan Gonzalvo & Tethys Research Institute

On June 18th, Livescience.com uploaded photos from a group of researchers studying a foursome of dolphins off the coast of Greece.  During the researchers’ observation of the dolphins they managed to photograph a dolphin which at first seemed to have “something strange dangling from its stomach.” As it turns out, an octopus was attached to the dolphin’s genitalia. Researchers speculate that the dolphin may have tried to eat the octopus, and during its escape, it may have attached itself to the dolphins genital slit. Due to the barrage of recent Octo-centric sex stories, and how likely a defense like that would hold up in court, we speculate they should bump that foursome up to a fivesome.

                                          Source: http://goo.gl/vh90f


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3 Comments

  1. Greg Newkirk

    07/02/2012 at 10:29 PM

    This post has already brought in 15 people searching for “Octomom porn”. I cannot stop laughing. Also, ads for fishing gear.

    • Maritimer

      07/03/2012 at 5:44 PM

      That, in and of itself, made writing the piece “worth it”. lol

  2. Jake

    07/04/2012 at 8:46 AM

    I’ve seen enough he tai to know where this is going :/

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