Science Explains How Moses Could Have Actually Parted The Red Sea

Science Explains How Moses Could Have Actually Parted The Red Sea

Is the biblical parting of the Red Sea a miracle? An ancient and fantastical tall tale? Or was it SCIENCE?

Behold, the power of God. Or perhaps behold the power of exceptional timing…

The Bible’s captivating and popular story in Exodus about how a man named Moses seemingly lead his people, the Israelites, away from the brutal clutches of  the meany Egyptian Pharaoh and his army of meany men. How did this man accomplish such a feat? By stretching out his hand and pleading to God, “let my people go!  Let my mutha fuckin people go!”

And so God, our gracious, merciful God obliged Moses by parting the Red Sea in order to give his followers just enough time to get across as the evil Pharaoh and his Egyptian army perished when the waters came crushing down upon them.

Most of us, Sunday school graduates or not, know the inspiring story of Moses and the parting of the Red Sea.  Yes, this story is one of miracles and what many believers would consider to be proof of divine intervention.  But what if science could explain what had happened? What if the parting of the Red Sea wasn’t accomplished by God’s hand but rather a series of events inspired by mother nature?

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According to a recent study done by a Dr. Carl Drews of The Department of Atmospheric and Oceanic Sciences University of Colorado says that the miracle was just a lot of hot hair air. Literally.  Carl states the cause of this event is “wind setdown” which is “a drop in water level caused by wind stress acting on the surface of a body of water for an extended period of time.” Drews goes on to say that,  “as the wind blows, water recedes from the upwind shore and exposes terrain that was formerly underwater.” He also goes on to say that this type of event could be the explanation of Moses crossing the Red Sea that the skeptics have been looking for.

So basically, what these fuckers did, was by using a computer-modeling simulation where the Nile would flow into the Lake of Tanis, called Manzala (where apparently they think Moses lead his band of misfits) they were able to simulate a constant east flowing wind speed of 63 miles per glorious hour for 12 consecutive hours.  The result? An astounding 2.5 mile long, 3 mile wide stretch of mud flat that would have acted as a land bridge through the Red Sea. This is the part where Moses would have probably said, “ok, I can roll with this.”

Simulations suggested that the open gap in the water would have lasted about 4 hours, which, according to Carl and the gang, should have been plenty of time for Moses and the gang to make it through the sea unscathed. Unfortunately for the Egyptians, that’s about all the leeway they had.  As the winds slowly calmed down, the water would come rushing back in a churning motion, swallowing the army whole.  As stated in Exodus:

“The waters returned, and covered the chariots, and the horseman, and all the host of Pharaoh that came into the sea after them; there remained not so much as one of them.”

Adding further value to Dr. Drew’s simulation is a tid-bit of interesting news from 1882,  in which Major General Alexander B. Tulloch of the British army actually witnessed a similar incident.

“A gale of wind from the eastward set in and became so strong that I had to cease work.  Next morning on going out I found that Lake Menzaleh, which is situated on the west side of Suez Canal, had totally disappeared, the effect of the high wind on the shallow water having actually driven it away beyond the horizon… it suddenly flashed across my mind that I was witnessing a similar event to what had taken place between three and four thousand years ago, at the time of the passage of the so-called Red Sea by the Israelites.”

It’s also important to note the location.  Where the Nile Delta meets the lagoon or Lake of Tanis, it is oriented so that an east wind can actually blow across it lengthwise and push water to one side — something that is not the case for the North-South running Red Sea. Check out the nice little computer simulation that can sum everything up in about 10 seconds :

So, science does it again.  Science comes to the rescue by explaining that there are no such things as miracles.  That everything can be explained by numbers. That God is just a made up monster in the sky created to frighten us as little children.  But what if they’re all one in the same?  Why can’t one not explain the other?  Was Moses just one lucky benzona?  Or are we simply explaining the manner in which some greater power flexed it’s mysterious biceps?  I’d like to think that it could have been a little bit of both.

For a more detailed explanation of Dr. Carl Drews work, CLICK HERE.


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Nick Foust
Nick Foust is a figment of our collective imagination. Forged in the dreaming subconscious of sleeping children throughout the world, Nick exists for the sole purpose of spreading fear and confusion among evolutionary scientists. Or at least, that's what we'd like to believe. He's actually a member of Planet Weird and a regular contributer to this here magazine. Nick claims that he has never actually seen a ghost or any other type of paranormal entity, though he did admit once to seeing something that sounded an awful lot like a faery.

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You do realize that says “a lot of hot hair”.

Were you watching TV when you wrote this? I Love the 80s? An Instyler commercial? Toddlers in Tiaras?

Greg Newkirk

hahaha, oh my god. That’s just foustlish, Sharon. The language of the foust elves.

Dana Matthews

What in gods name is a benzona?

Nick

One misspelling and I get this Tom foolery. Benzona… I honestly don’t remember. I looked it up before I put in there so I’m sure it’s relevant. But then again foustlish knows no bounds.

I had the parting of the sea explained to me that Moses only did because the 20,000 women standing behind Moses screamed, ‘Moses, you get that filty water away from us – we just had our hair done!’

But personally, I think the research were standing chin deep in da Nile… (badabing…)

This actually assures me (as a Christian) that God had his hand in it. Who says God can’t work a miracle by allowing an east wind to blow open the red sea, letting his people across with enough time to stop the egyptians when the waters returned? Who says it had to happen ‘supernaturally’ when God could have just as well had it happen naturally and at the right time? What you’ve written matches up pretty darn well to exodus’ version of the story. So, contrary to the aim of the article, thank you for assuring me of God’s amazingness.… Read more »
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