Plague of Unexplained Hairballs Is Strange Mystery for Texas Campus

Plague of Unexplained Hairballs Is Strange Mystery for Texas Campus


There’s a bizarre mystery afoot on the campus of the University of Texas: odd balls of hair are confounding students, annoying janitors, and stumping everyone who tried to figure out where they’re originating.

In her twenty five years on the custodial staff at the UT, Linda Houston says she’s never seen anything like the hairballs.

“I don’t know where it comes from, and I don’t know how it gets here,” she told The Daily Texanadding that the strange appearance of the hairy anomalies started happening gradually over the past semester. She believes the hair to be of human origin.


The case puzzled freshman Zachary Adams so much that he launched his own investigation of the matters when he kept hitting roadblocks with the faculty?

..My efforts were stifled by the apathy and unwillingness to cooperate of individuals whose help I sought. In response to messages I sent out to professors involved in analytical biology, one professor even had the audacity to reply, “I’m not sure why you feel this topic is important enough to get people to spend time on it.” The more effort I put into my inquiries, the more I realized I was alone in my desire to free our custodial staff from this burden

Like a bad toupee, it reeks of a cover up.

Some students claimed the hairballs were the result of the floor cleaning machines’ brushes breaking off, but Adams’ own curiosity proved that theory wrong when he actually took the time to monitor the brooms himself. He found that “the hairs did not resemble the fibers of the cleaning machine”, but wondered if the device might be spinning stray lint into fuzzy orbs and spewing them into the building every which way. Houston disagreed.

“That’s not lint. We’ve always had dust bunnies, but this is hair! That buffer doesn’t do that. I can be down there, and I turn around, and there it is! But I really don’t know.”

With no one but the janitors and Adams to take the matter seriously, it appears that for now, the case of the anomalous hairballs is to remain a mystery. Here’s hoping they don’t start attacking people when it’s too late.

Where could the weird hair be coming from? Any ideas on how to deal with the University of Texas’ bizarre new problem? Send us your ideas on Facebook, on twitter @WhoForted, or leave them in the comments below!


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