50 Shades of Neigh: Man Attempts to Create a Centaur The Old Fashioned Way

50 Shades of Neigh: Man Attempts to Create a Centaur The Old Fashioned Way

andrewmendozamugshotA Texas man hung himself in his jail cell last week after a failed attempt at creating a “Horseman”. At least, I’m assuming the attempt failed.. but we’ll know for sure in a few months.

29 year old Andrew Mendoza was recently arrested for having sexual relations with a horse in Wharton County, Texas. When he arrived at the Sheriff’s office, he decided to waive his right to remain silent (lucky us) and filled the sergeant in on exactly why he had decided to go for a bareback ride: he was trying to make a “horse-man baby”.

The full statement is as follows:

My name is Andrew Mendoza and I am 29 years of age. I can read and write the English language. I do know the difference between the truth and a lie.

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A couple of months ago I was at my house waiting for my girlfriend to call.I told myself that if she didn’t call me I was going to go next door and mess with the neighbor’s horse. Around 11:00PM my girlfriend had not called so I went next door to my neighbor’s pen. When I walked up to the fence the neighbor’s brown horse came up to me. I then got into the pen with the horse. I dumped out the water bucket and put it upside down and put it behind the horse.

Note: things get progressively.. bad.. at this point. If you’d rather spare yourself the details, just go ahead and skip the next paragraph.

I then moved the horse’s tail and put my dick, which was already hard, in the horse and started fucking the horse. The horse did not try to move or nothing it just stood there while I was fucking it. I guess the horse was liking it. This went on for about five or ten minutes. I was trying to make the horse have a baby. I was thinking it would have a horseman baby. I ain’t going to lie, I blew a nut in the horse. I then got off the bucket and put my clothes back on and left. I promise I have not been back over to the horse since that time. This was the only time I fucked the neighbor’s horse.

Wow.

According to The Smoking Gun, Mendoza had a pretty wide rap sheet even before the “horse-man baby” attempt, and while being held in jail he decided to hang himself.

Trespassing, equestrian sex (horseplay?), and suicide make for a fairly bizarre case, but let’s take a moment to reflect on the real victim here: the poor little centaur who is going to grow up without a father.


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4 Comments

  1. Todd Misura

    02/05/2013 at 2:03 PM

    Wow. I can’t really think of anything to say about this other than… uuuuggh.

  2. Michael Banti

    02/05/2013 at 10:41 PM

    I bet the horse felt cheated.

  3. butch

    03/19/2013 at 2:08 AM

    wow, the most shocking thing about this whole story is the fact that he had a girlfriend!

  4. Kevin

    04/23/2013 at 6:37 AM

    I hope the attempt was successful and the fact he was arrested meant that the cops who arrested him for mating with the horse were plain stupid!

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