Can you use witchcraft to get better grades? One school believes you can, and they're worried

Can you use witchcraft to get better grades? One school believes you can, and they’re worried

“Put that wand away, young man!”

Students everywhere have endured the terror of midterms. Nights full of late-night cramming, some resorting to prayer, while some clever kids in Uganda might be engaging in supernatural hanky-panky for straight A’s.

Dr. Stephen Kazimba, Anglican bishop for the Mityana diocese, is admonishing the student body to refrain from witchcraft in the classroom.

“I know some parents who always call their children and give them ancestors’ blessing. If you hear any parent or guardian calling on the ancestors to guide you in your exams, say ‘no I will not take your blessings in Jesus’ name’”1

His logic is impeccable. The ancestors called upon by the students never advanced beyond elementary school, so what the hell would they know about A,B,Cs and 1,2,3s, let alone calculus?


A super-de-dooper dick move, if you ask me. Like Jesus knows anything about trigonometry.


Classic Jesus Move.

How many of you would use necromancy for good grades? Slip us a note on our Facebook page, at Twitter, or in the comments below!


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  1. Pingback: Better Grades Through Witchcraft! | There is widespread belief in Ghosts in English-speaking cultures, where ghosts are manifestations of the spirits of the dead.

  2. PPC

    11/28/2014 at 5:53 PM

    You are a complete pig Savia! You cannot keep it clean with your articles and on top of that you insult people’s religious beliefs by displaying blasphemous material to make you appear funny! You are not funny, you are a complete coward! I have never seen you try that little trick with a cartoon of Muhammad! Come on, can you only insult people that you know will not behead you? What a politically correct supreme coward you are Savia. This site can forget getting any more of my time.

    • Chris Savia

      12/02/2014 at 1:10 PM

      Thanks Mitchell! We appreciate your feedback!

  3. Martin J. Clemens

    12/02/2014 at 1:36 PM

    Funniest thing I’ve seen all week, and I’ve seen some funny stuff this week.

  4. evilsloth

    01/20/2015 at 10:04 PM

    PPC has got to stop drinking out of the toilet. Not only is that comic NOT blasphemous, because there is no jesus but the idea of jesus is blasphemous because of those that drag children into bushes, church basements and such and those that defend them because of the claims of faith. I prayed, “IN HIS NAME” and nothing stopped the joke from happening. And I was asked by peedyphile priest lovers, “which god did you pray to?”
    What, is this the triplets of duck duck goose or are they implying their devil is a god and that I prayed to satan by accident! Well, they can do anything they want to blame on devils and still pretend they’re going to that imaginary anal parasite heaven that, according to the predecessors of the same old roman method money shots, is still at war with itself though is a peaceful paradise. yeah.

  5. Anon

    05/21/2015 at 4:48 AM

    This article is not nearly funny enough to justify verbally assaulting anybody’s religious or spiritual beliefs. Get funnier.

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