A Satanic panic is gripping America by the cajones. His Dark Majesty’s acolytes are no longer afraid of rebuke in the enlightened 21st century.
Harvard’s hosting a Black Mass, a Florida local wants to open a town council meeting with a Satanic prayer, while Oklahomans are poised to celebrate Lucifer’s legacy with a statue outside the Oklahoma State Capitol.
The list just goes on, and on, and on.
Now Alex C. Snelson, incarcerated in Nevada’s Washoe County Jail after being caught with some crystal, is exercising his rights as a religious minority. According to the pending federal suit, Alex claims he’s been denied access to whole foods, lacking mind-controlling substances like aspertame, and monosodium glutamate. Adding insult to injury, deputies at the facility have been mocking his requests, denying access.
There’s some bad news. Thumbing through my ancient copy of The Satanic Bible, I find no references to dietary restrictions, food, or anything culinary. On the other hand, LaVey, may Satan grant him peace, once feasted upon a cadaver’s leg during a seminar on Cannibalism and Human Sacrifice. The main course was basted with Triple Sec, grenadine, and fruit juice. Satanists relished the long pig, but blanched when it came to eating live caterpillars.
Another strike against him, prisons usually have a daily budget of $2.25 to feed an adult every day. Providing free-range chicken, fresh, hairloom tomatoes, and quinoa are certain to break the bank.