Housekeeping Witch for Hire: Real Life Mary Poppins On the Lam After Performing Black Magic on Family

Housekeeping Witch for Hire: Real Life Mary Poppins On the Lam After Performing Black Magic on Family

witchmaid

In the market for a maid with a special set of occult skills? You’re in luck, because after a falling out with her employers, we know of at least one housekeeping witch out of a job.

Saudi police are seeking out a 31 year old Indonesian housemaid who has been accused of performing more than simply dusting, vacuuming and cooking.

The unnamed housekeeper, who for our sake we will refer to as Scary Poppins, has been formally accused by her previous employers of using black magic, causing a family to endure everything from fainting spells to epileptic fits.

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The unnamed father told police they had hired the maid more than three years ago in the capital of Riyadh and that they had not suspected that their housekeeper was magic until recently.

“Recently, all family members started to suffer from fainting and epileptic fits,” he told Emirates 24/7. “After the housemaid fled, we found magic items planted in various part of our house. I swear that we do not want to hurt her but to stop her evil acts against us and others.”

Unsurprisingly Scary Poppins has disappeared into the night, as witches tend to do, no doubt planning to shove spoonfuls of sugar down people’s throats or something.


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7 Comments

  1. Bill

    08/01/2013 at 5:04 PM

    The thing that makes it not funny is that when they find her they’ll either strangle her or chop her head off.

    Witching is srs bzns

    • Frederica Bimble

      11/09/2013 at 5:14 AM

      Being a woman in that part of the world is ‘srs bzns’. They’ll execute her simply for being a woman and not ‘being in her place’.

  2. Aimee

    08/03/2013 at 12:58 PM

    “I swear that we do not want to hurt her…”

    I’m sure she feels comforted by your promises not to hurt her, because you seem like such rational people. I mean, after examining the evidence, you decided that her black magic was responsible for your family’s “fits,” which seems perfectly reasonable to me. It couldn’t possibly be a phenomenon that is easily explained through modern, medical science or anything.

    • Charlotte

      08/04/2013 at 12:58 PM

      What you don’t know is that throughout the world lots of “black magic” is nothing other than what we would call good old-fashioned “poison”. For example, Voodoo “zombies” are made not by magic but by a poison. We have no way of telling from this article just what is meant by “magic”, especially from a Western perspective.

  3. alanborky

    08/03/2013 at 2:58 PM

    “Real Life Mary Poppins On the Lam After Performing Black Magic on Family”

    Dana given she’s a witch maybe that should be Lammas…

    Or given the father seems distinctly unafaid of someone who worked for him for three years and who’s supposedly so magically powerful and evil…

    Lame Ass!

    • Charlotte

      08/04/2013 at 1:00 PM

      Man…that’s one hell of a pun…I had to look up “lammas” but I groaned.

  4. mr westie

    08/12/2013 at 5:25 AM

    I just found this site. is this a cheap Onion knock-off for the self-promotion of it’s writers? I don’t get it.

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