Ask a Wizard: Who Are You To Tell Us Anything?

Ask a Wizard: Who Are You To Tell Us Anything?

Dear Friends,

I am very glad to be with you again, for another installment of what is always either a completely serious – or a totally absurdist – discourse on the Nature of Things. I will apologize in advance for writing a post that is to some measure about my qualifications and education, but I was recently questioned on these very matters, and there are not a few people who hold with the questioner: just who is this Vicar, and why should we listen to him? Along the way, we will revisit topics and regard certain conditions, circumstances, and concerns through Wizard Eyes. It is hoped that this will advance the cause of the seeker, and improve the studies of the Acolyte.

But first – because using the internet to pass important coded messages is so fashionable these days – The South Pacific called me recently, and asked me to take some of my stuff back that I had left in the watery vicinity of Colonia Phonpei. This means that the Island Lion, aka Zion or “lil’ B,” has returned. He is evidently dropping beats on Abraham Lincoln and selling Buffalo meat. Such is the life of the apprentice wizard… this, and Burning Man. I give him this shout out because it may come to pass, in the near future, that he will also present you with tales of his adventures and misdeeds. The Vicar may have to pass on the Quill, because sometimes the Eye of Baphomet turns toward a dude, and the Gaze falls upon him, and stuff gets too weird.

benfFor every form of entertainment, there will be detractors.  There are, after all, people who do not believe in Nuclear Physics, and others who think Chemistry is probably mostly made up nonsense upon which practical realities are erroneously stacked. For these folks, the A-Bomb and its immediate Nuclear Family are not really all that impressive, because they consist in mechanisms that basically knock rocks together hard enough to make them go Bang. Can you imagine what the truly profoundly old and advanced societies that occupy the nearby star systems must think of us?


How big is the toy box you play in? There are a growing number of people in the world today who love the speculative and the paranormal and the edge: many of us write, do pod casts, collect & share data with the public, and belong to research organizations that would be laughed out of court, and kicked out of any “official” scientific study or inquiry. Yet we labor on, as all our kind have done. Charles Fort knew the limits of human perception were depressingly numerous. From the same thoughts, Thomas Jefferson recognized that our limits are often our strengths.

surveillanceThere are many of us alive today who know that all is not as it seems. Equally so, there are those who disregard the paranormal and the unknown. They relegate such reports and beliefs as are associated with these fields to the realm of nonsense, funded primarily by stupidity, and generally malicious and predatory in purpose and character. These people are commonly called, skeptics, and they are – as everyone knows – assholes.

This is not to say that they are not likable, or that you cannot be friends with a skeptic. I am friends with many skeptics, and not in that way that racist people mean when they claim that they have black friends, or used to date someone from any one of hundreds of diversity categories. Wizards are not color-blind, and we always know what we see. Variation is simply the point of life, and the skeptic is as essential to that framework and fabric of meaning as any other variation in space and in time. We may as well also say, “variation in matter and in energy,” because of the fundamental interchangeability of things.

chimpSomebody asked something really important a while back, right here on this very site, in a comment on one of my previous posts. The question is positively this: “Just who is the Vicar to pontificate about things?” In other words, “Who does this guy think he is?”

Certain questions we answer, and others we ignore. The reasons are simple. Magic is many things, and one of its main purposes is education. We mean by education something rather more similar to what some religions call, “enlightenment.” To a Wizardy way of thinking, the whole purpose of existence is growth, change, exploration, experience, and also Growth. There are two kinds of growth, and the other one is spelled with a capital G. Capital G used to be a lowercase g, but things got pretty real and it turned him hardcore.

We do not answer a challenge out of pique, however. We answer the questions that provide an opportunity to expand a given body of knowledge: We speak here of Magic. Knowing why a Wizard insists upon her or his Wizardhood reveals much about the hidden body of knowledge that we Wizards have been leaving in plain sight of the rest of humanity for something on the order of 10,000 years. And by 10,000 years, we mean, who the hell knows how long any of this has been going on?


When we read, hear, see, or otherwise experience something, we have a reaction. If you are offended, pause and consider that the point of whatever it was that offended you was to offend you in the first place. If you laugh, consider that this was the purpose. If you cry, so too, the same mechanism is at work. Through these reactions can come growth and change. Communication causes the brain to respond, and our electro-chemical reactions are the single most telling indicators of who we are. Symbols force us to process information. In processing that information, we experience thoughts and feelings which in turn impact our general sense of things while revealing who we are – to those who know what to look for. It is not always the case that the WEIRD that we experience is directed with a purpose. It is not the case that every moment of our lives is governed by the absolute and targeted agency of some other person. But it is the truth to say that sometimes, we are being deliberately led by the nose toward an awakening of awareness. If the awakening is of sufficient scale, we use the term, “revelation.”

WOW signal o-ALIEN-POLL-570

Some of these symbols and reactions we are comfortable with. Others make us lose our focus and self-control, and reduce our will. We struggle with this sort of reaction, because it defines and reveals us to others. Sometimes, we are alone when that happens, but as any qualified Wizard will tell you, you are absolutely NEVER alone. There’s this thing behind you right now, in fact, and it knows what you think about when you masturbate.

The reality of this kind of crazy nonsense that I spew is that it is very probably true, and I’m truly very sorry about that. It’s just that the Universe is so large as to be regarded as fundamentally infinite. Our brains are so limited as to be fundamentally tiny by comparison. Therefore, it is very likely that everything any of us has ever imagined has a corresponding real-universe equivalent, somewhere, sometime. Which means we need to be looking for friendly, helpful interstellar species that can help us straighten out our shit.

spoooooockIf I dare to teach the denizens of a handful of interweb sites about the True Magic of the Secret Societies you DON’T know or hear about, it is because the organizing committee which declared me a Vicar of our Order told me to do so. Lest I be thought to mount a Nuremburg defense, I happen to fully agree with the task at hand and the logic behind it.

There is something coming, you see, and it is entirely possible that many of you will need to understand how to see and how to act, such that very important stuff will be preserved, and less hoodwinking will occur. I’d tell you more in the way of specifics, but it is a soundly grounded principal of the Way that when you tell people the truth, they refuse to accept it. – Cassandra. Moreover, when you lay out precisely how a group of people should go about the business of surviving, the innate human need for freedom will make the greater majority of them rebel. Consequently, “the majority is always wrong.” – Socrates. And, to roughly paraphrase – In the presence of the knowledge necessary for survival, most people called it Witchcraft and tried to kill us. – Paracelsus.

The reference pattern used above is straight Wizard shit. It mimics [we say, gave rise to] the modern systems of citation known in virtually every professional field. Wizards invented references not because they are impressive and show off an author’s reading, but rather because we want to remind you of “that one time,” or else say, “wouldn’t it be cool if… ?” In essence, slip-code is like the inside of Seth MacFarlane’s head… which should make you think twice about what Family Guy is doing to you. If you have ever tried to track down a source in one of my pieces, or a reference in another magical treatise or discourse, only to find that the person or work cited “didn’t exist,” then you must choose: Either you are in the presence of fraud, or you are being directed to a body of information that is not easy to obtain. Wizards reference like this because we seek to invoke a pattern of thought, not a specific piece of data. We reference like this because there is a Secret Library to go along with the Secret Language. It can be found only by apprehending the meaning of the Code.

You can hide more stuff in a bigger box. What fits in your box? And into what box does your box fit? What you believe cannot approach a comprehensive kind of perfection if it does not allow for all variables. Wizardry is in how you think. How you think governs how you speak and how you act. These elements, targeted upon specific purposes, wedded to particular techniques, equal personal success. All this time, you’ve been reading the product and by-product of a 6,000 year old self-improvement seminar. That’s what Magic really is.

You must not FEAR. It is the mind-killer. To FEAR is to DIE.

You must not FEAR. It is the mind-killer. To FEAR is to DIE.

People equally annoyed by my nonsense – as the fellow who asked me to justify my ravings – have complained about certain peculiarities of the style of this essayist – As well they should. There are often blind links, bizarre images, and totally unrelated cognitive artifacts peppered throughout the Vicar’s art. This is because I am practicing a specific form of Magic on you. If you roll with the ride, maybe you gain something. If you resist and fight it and declare your inviolate mind untouched by my arcanisms, maybe you gain something. If anything between the poles that define this spectrum is achieved, we have a winner. The social order always arranges itself into a pyramid. Set the traps, and let the unwary falter. – Agaba.

The idea that there are Wizards abroad in he world should not actually strike anybody as absurd or unlikely. In fact, a close analysis of mythology and history demonstrates that the Wizards are right in front of you, where they have always been, and where they belong. If Arthur had his Merlin, then we should not be surprised that David had Samuel and Aragorn has Gandalf. The use of these repetitive metaphors is not intended to suggest that I have a staff that shoots fire bolts. Rather, the point is that there are trained manipulators in modern society, and that some of these manipulators are at the pinnacle of various organizational bodies: business, governmental, social, cultural, and fraternal. Oftentimes, these groups have overlapping membership. The upshot is this: You can rest assured that both Kissinger and  Zbigniew Brzezinski are not just political advisers. Their training is quite a bit deeper than most people imagine, and includes the esoteric and occult arts.

When you feel like you are being watched, it's because something is watching you.

When you feel like you are being watched, it’s because something is watching you.

The One-Eye-Pyramid people are not all the same group of people. I don’t think I can make this any more clear. There is definitely NOT one elite body at the top of the world order. There is no top. Our human perception of reality does not apprehend truth. We do not understand ourselves. The Elite who want always for an increase in power and wealth are chasing shadows, just as surely as all the Green Hippies are chasing dreams. Drugs eff people up, and both groups are very fond of drugs. Not a few other groups in our world enjoy their own drugs of choice, their own fantasies, vices, and debaucheries. This too, the Mason knows, and the servant of the Black Order, and the Templar, and the Bohemian, and the Invisible Ones. There are probably fifty major occultic orders that venerate the Owl, for twelve different primary reasons in four or five major guises. Every time you see an owl worked into a motif or utilized as a symbol, you should bear in mind that nothing has EVER meant only one thing. Shit simply doesn’t really work that way.

People read my stuff and ask, “Is this dude serious?” Of course I am, but also, I am absolutely not. But I am not writing to you. I am writing to people that live hundreds of years in our future. They totally get what I’m doing – or more correctly, what I have done. But then again, they have the full advantage of almighty Hindsight, which is of course, the type of vision possessed by a red-colored female deer.

If you believe that there are rabbit holes worth falling down, Alice, you should totally fall down my hole. – L. C. .

Subtlety permits Wizards to manipulate society, which is what Magic is and has always been all about. But overt acts also manipulate and drive the public consciousness. Only about 50% of what the conspiracy theorist thinks is going on is actually going on, but they are almost never right as to the players and the motivations. And I can say to you here and now with absolute certainty that major bad events are on the horizon. This will always be true. It is true because there are too many variables in the statement to not be true. Major is a variable term, as is bad, as is events, as is horizon.

boomDo I speak of Ebola? Interplanetary war? Elite Illuminati Robot Lizard AI takeover during Kurzweil’s Singularity? The Apocalypse? By “major,” should I be taken to mean world-ending? For can’t a tragic loss of life – something emblematic and symbolic and particularly heart-wrenching – be just as “major” from a particular point of view? And what is to be interpreted by the word, “bad?” What is bad to one may be good to another. What constitutes an “event?” What scale or scope must the labelled “event” be bound by or exceed in order to count within the context of the prophecy? And how are we to take the word, “horizon?” Just how distant a future does this refer to? Herein lies the power of ritual: its hallmarks and regalia can be taken to hold any meaning.

The internal faith of the human is far more profound than the external expressions. All human arts may avail themselves of the opportunity to take advantage of the hidden power of the Secret Language. The weird shit in the occult – the dark stuff, the crudely sexual stuff, the candles and knives and whatnot – these things are not Magic. They are the dressings of lower magic, most of it focused upon getting people to give you money or allegiance or else score some drugs. Often, oral sex is involved. Sometimes the sex goes to the other end. If you are looking for TRUE POWER, it is not found under satiny robes and in the center of pentagrams. “That’s bush-league psych-out shit.” – Jesus.

lebowskiSo, to the questioners and the seekers, try to remember that the likelihood of the existence of Bigfoot is 100%. Somewhere, there are Bigfeet. Whether or not they share this planet with us in one way or another remains to be seen. As to dark plots and conspiracies, they are around you all day, every day. Your neighbor is very likely plotting against you in some fashion or another. But that doesn’t mean that your neighbor will ever actually do anything, or orchestrate any real master plan. And even if your neighbor tries to do these things, there’s no certainty that your neighbor’s plot will succeed. Just as there may be HAARP and Chemtrails and Mind Control Rays, there is the very real probability that none of these things work very well or are used very effectively. Try to remember in every conspiracy theory we are confronted with the terrible reality that human beings are working in secret – and where human beings are at the helm, the ship will generally meander, if not run fully aground. The Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment was not kept secret for very long, after all.

The school of UFO inquiry is not the same thing as the quest for interstellar life. The former deals only with whether or not some sort of anomalous or advanced technology is being used to interact with us or otherwise travel to and from – or in and out of – our world. Hell, anything’s possible. But as to interstellar life? It’s so obviously out there as to render questioning the matter both stupid and depressing. I say this to you in the context of an essay on Magic and the Secret Language because the OLDEST forms of knowledge on the planet take as a matter of course that there are alien civilizations. That whole Ancient Aliens thing is little more than one particularly sharp Swiss Wizard letting the world know what his Order had known for hundreds of years – and the forerunners of his Order and all others – have known since the dimly lit past of the Shamanic Age. The ancients KNEW what the “gods” really were.

In conclusion, the Vicar is the guy who can tell you the kinds of stuff appearing above this paragraph, with a perfectly straight face, and some small measure of authority. I am educated in the so-called “occult.” We call it the Ars Arcanum. Some dude that lives two streets over from you calls it, “Satanism.” But that’s okay, because there are Snake-Handler churches and Wahabist schools and Shinto shrines and a host of other beliefs and ways that exist in the world. What you hate, or revile, or become angry at – that thing controls you. What matters most is that we maintain the most ancient human teachings, even when the light is fading and hope seems but a desperate dream. And central to that endeavor is the spirit of inquiry which motivates the people who maintain and support and use this site and so many others.

Better thinkers than this one have said, “The quest is more important than the goal.” Which settles the whole “Grail” mystery, doesn’t it?

Is your Eye on the Ball?

Go get the needle out of the haystack. Just be careful when you’re looking for it… It is a needle, after all.




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  1. Pingback: Ask a Wizard: Who Are You To Tell Us Anything? | There is widespread belief in Ghosts in English-speaking cultures, where ghosts are manifestations of the spirits of the dead.

  2. neal

    10/13/2014 at 1:10 PM

    Interchangeability. There is no consensus on that, pretty funny. The conversion of spacetime with gravity is the knock knock joke of the spheres. Low level identity politics, on the surface. Sneaky, and cheeky. Sleazy, and demure.

    There is that third rail. Changelings, and those who are raised from the dead, as it were. Mostly do not want to be in charge, either end. Neutral business. That comes and goes.

    No means to an end. Perhaps a raised eyebrow, and inside humours, and alternate endings, before that starts up.
    Not in charge. It is that whole arrow of time thing. C squared, hard not to look without showing up a bit early, as it were.

    I thought upper management had top men for that kind of thing. Not outliers, and prodigals. Probably Grail stuff, writ large, or anti.

  3. evilsloth

    01/20/2015 at 4:58 AM

    It seems to be implied that there are gods, that there are advanced “intelligences”, that even though no one seems to be looking at distracting balls when something’s happening right behind you, look out, people are getting knocked over by kneeling jocks, our wise elders, like those imaginary “intelligences”, are leading the way into the volcano. lava. I’ve always looked in other directions from the ball and see all sorts of things that lable me evil. XD

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