What’s Wrong With the X-37B? (UPDATED)

Why does the ground crew need hazmat suits? And what’s that leaky brownish green stuff on the payload bay door, Hal?

What’s wrong with this picture?

Does anyone recall the ground crew for the space shuttle wearing hazmat suits upon touchdown? Da-da doesn’t. So, why does the X-37B ground crew need hazmat suits? Is the cargo that’s been in space for 500 days contagious? Radioactive? Did it go up that way? Did it bring back a toxic space bigfoot? Will anyone ever answer these annoying questions? No. But Da-da and a lot of other people — those four left with inquiring minds — would like to know.

Here’s some eye candy, showcasing the inside. Take a look:

Ok. Look inside. Is hydrogen peroxide or jet fuel dangerous enough to warrant hazmat suits? Short answer: no.

Don’t think it’s just when the X-37B secret space SUV returns from space, either. The ground crew wears the suits when fueling it up, too. Unless they’re outgassing something toxic from within. Can’t they find a general to suck that out?

What ya got in there, Herb?

Now, don’t get your chemtrail dander up here, folks. As you can see in the pics, there’s no dispersal system on their little space SUV — unless it’s inside the bay — and Da-da doubts that anything sprayed by such a small vehicle at such a low altitude (actually below that of satellites) would do much. It can’t be that the military is leery of space microbes — it’s run by them — unless that’s what they’re capturing at that altitude. Anyone remember the movie, “GREEN SLIME”?

Damn. Da-da’s really stacked. All that yoga and plastic surgery is really paying off.

As usual with our tentacular military-industrial-entertainment-cabal-complex menace (pictured above), your guess is as good as your guess. It does have one eye and tentacles, though, so you do the math. And yes, Da-da could’ve gone ANDROMEDA STRAIN, but GREEN SLIME has a better theme song, esp. for a Friday. Enjoy. And keep your suits on till you get the all-clear.

[Note: all images courtesy of space.com, but they’re actually public domain, as U.S. taxpayers paid for them, so feel free to draw mustaches on them and call them Steve.]

[UPDATE: oops. Da-da didn’t realize that they may have been wearing the suits because the hydrogen peroxide on board was *pure strength* and highly corrosive. Still, if it’s that bad, how did it make it 500 days in space? Anyway, so that happened. Mea culpa.]

What’s your take on NASA, and the military’s, latest endeavor? We graciously remove our tinfoil caps to accept your theta waves from Facebook, at Twitter, or in the comments below! Provided you aren’t too insulting.

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