Headline of the Year: Villagers Decapitate Goblin, House Explodes

One traditional healer from Zimbabwe is dead and another is lucky to be alive after surviving a home explosion that killed four other people. Possibly related to the blast was the beheading of a “money-spinning” goblin taking place on the premises. You are reading this correctly.

Clever Kamuyedza, a transport operator, approached 24- year old Speakmore Mandere, one of Chitungwiza’s healers more poularly known as Sekuru Shumba,  seeking help to dispose of a “troubling goblin” he had aquired in another country for the purpose of good fortune. After the goblin began making “extreme demands” of him, he decided that maybe owning a goblin wasn’t a good idea. For a mere $15,000, Mandere offered to take care of the issue through a cleansing ceremony, the climax of which would end with the decapitation of the goblin.

“The tragedy fell upon us while we were conducting the ceremony to dispose of the goblin that this businessman brought to Sekuru Shumba,” Clara Banda, another healer involved in the ritual, told Newsdze Zimbabwe. “After assembling the team, Sekuru Shumba invited Mr Kamuyedza, his wife and two of their associates to his home for consultation. The consultations lasted three days during which we discussed whether or not we could handle this kind of ritual.”

In the end, Shumba and company believed that the dangerous goblin disposal was worth the money, and went ahead with the plan. According to eyewitnesses on the scene, after a bit of struggle, the goblin’s head was promptly lopped off and Kamuyedza’s wife left the residence to gather the 15 grand from their vehicle when Shumba began screaming for help. The goblin, sans head, began fighting back. Then the house exploded.

“All I remember after that is a loud sound coming from the bedroom. The walls of the house crumbled. Virginia (her neighbor) and I struggled to get outside,” Banda said.

The blast ended up killing five people and damaging a dozen homes. One villager describes the scene:

“A cloud of smoke went up into the air. Sekuru Shumba was lying motionless. The businessman was also dead. At that moment, a tenant at the house, Mai Kelly, was looking for her daughter whose corpse was later retrieved under a bed. Limbs and other human parts were strewn all over.”

The local bomb squad and ballistics teams have been called in to assess the situation and determine the cause of the mysterious blast, but are so far at a loss.

It’s only January and we already have the best story of the year. Thanks to our pal Micah Hanks over at the Gralien Report for tipping this to us!

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