Can you use witchcraft to get better grades? One school believes you can, and they’re worried

“Put that wand away, young man!”

Students everywhere have endured the terror of midterms. Nights full of late-night cramming, some resorting to prayer, while some clever kids in Uganda might be engaging in supernatural hanky-panky for straight A’s.

Dr. Stephen Kazimba, Anglican bishop for the Mityana diocese, is admonishing the student body to refrain from witchcraft in the classroom.

“I know some parents who always call their children and give them ancestors’ blessing. If you hear any parent or guardian calling on the ancestors to guide you in your exams, say ‘no I will not take your blessings in Jesus’ name’”¹

His logic is impeccable. The ancestors called upon by the students never advanced beyond elementary school, so what the hell would they know about A,B,Cs and 1,2,3s, let alone calculus?

A super-de-dooper dick move, if you ask me. Like Jesus knows anything about trigonometry.

Classic Jesus Move.

How many of you would use necromancy for good grades? Slip us a note on our Facebook page, at Twitter, or in the comments below!

MORE GREAT STORIES FROM WEEK IN WEIRD:

1. http://www.newvision.co.ug/news/661135–do-not-use-witchcraft-to-pass-exams.html ↩