Detroit Man Steals Dead Body in Less Than Successful Attempt to Resurrect It

Clarence Bright: Still Deceased

A Detroit man was arrested by police Tuesday on suspicion of theft. Not a particularly shocking bit of news, until you find out it was the theft of a dead body, which he hid in his deep freezer.

Could it possibly get any weirder?

Yep. He stole it in an attempt to resurrect it later.

Told you so.

93 year old Clarence Bright was scheduled to be buried on Saturday at Gethsemane Cemetery, but his descent into his final resting place was postponed due to a recent rain. Rather than attempt to bury him in the mud, his coffin was moved out of the elements and next to a nearby mausoleum on the cemetery grounds where it was left for the weekend. By Monday, the casket was reported stolen and Clarence was nowhere to be found.

Police followed up on a lead that involved a white van spotted in the graveyard around the time of the disappearance, and the following day, they found the same vehicle parked at a local gas station. Inside the panel van they found two men, both alive, and one empty casket.

As it turns out, Bright’s body was actually stolen by his “extremely religious” 48 year old son who was planning on resurrecting his dead father from through “the power of prayer”. Within an hour, they had discovered Clarence hidden in his son’s basement freezer.

“Nothing seems to be wrong with the body,” Officer George Day told Fox 2 News. “Hopefully, the family can now get the body back and give it a proper burial.”

Leon Jones, a mortician’s assistant at Swanson’s Funeral Home, called the situation “very, very bizarre”, which could be the understatement of the century.

“We’ve been doing what we’re slated to do, and that is bring this family comfort and closure in a very, very trying time.”

Police declined to reveal the name of Clarence’s son or his 38 year old accomplice, stating that neither of them have been charged and remain under investigation.

While theft of a dead body is most definitely a crime, I’m going to assume necromancy isn’t in the books.

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